


New Year's Is a Lot of Noise

by pastel_x_tea



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Autism, Comfort, Developing Friendships, Dialogue Heavy, Disabled Character, Doof has a monologue what can I say, Enemies to Friends, Gen, Happy, Neurodiversity, New Year's Eve, Platonic Relationships, Sensory Overload, Short & Sweet, also doof refuses to refer to perry as anything but "perry the platypus", also i say "enemies to friends" but were they really enemies in anything more than name, autistic headcanon, i'm not gonna say it's canon but there's lots of canon evidence for them both being autistic, sensory processing issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28494438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastel_x_tea/pseuds/pastel_x_tea
Summary: Was it so bad to empathize with one of your nemesis's harebrained schemes?Two autistic arch-nemeses share a moment of bonding on New Year's Eve.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	New Year's Is a Lot of Noise

Was it so bad to empathize with one of your nemesis's harebrained schemes?

Sure, Perry had a great deal of sympathy toward his mortal enemy. Honestly, he felt sorry for him. But he never really found himself _relating_ to the man. After all, Perry had a loving family, close colleagues, and a fulfilling job. Perry had never drawn all the curtains, sunk into an armchair, and sobbed while stuffing his face with almond brittle- an activity he knew Doofenshmirtz had scheduled every week (Wednesdays at 10:00 p.m.)

So when Doofenshmirtz would announce his plans to ruin his brother's art unveiling, or melt the world's largest chocolate bar, or drain the Lake Nose, Perry would stop them. He still listened to- still _heard_ \- every word of Doof's monologues. But Doof's reasoning never really gave him any pause when it came to destroying the inator of the day.

This one, on the other hand... he kind of _wanted_ this one to succeed.

"Perry the Platypus, are you listening to me?" The evil scientist waved a hand in front of Perry's face, snapping him out of his thoughts. "As I was _saying_ , Perry the Platypus, New Year's has always been the _bane_ of my existence. Now look, I know I have a _lot_ of banes on my existence, but this one, this- this is justified! I mean, have you ever actually met anyone who would say 'Oh, New Year's is my favorite holiday.' No, you haven't, you know why? Because it's a _terrible_ idea for a holiday!"

Perry shrugged. It was true, he'd never met anyone who said that.

"Like these," Doofenshmirtz continued with ire, picking up the discarded shell of a party popper (which he'd packed with the streamers Perry currently found himself entangled in). "What's the point of these things? Loud noise, agh, that loud, loud popping noise... it's- it's its namesake! It's in the name! And that horrible smoke smell..." Doofenshmirtz gave a gag to show his disdain. "And what's the payoff? A bunch of little pieces of paper you have to sweep off the floor."

Perry nodded. Indeed, his trap _reeked_ of smoke. And the pop had upset _him_ as much as it seemed to upset his nemesis- sure, as an agent he'd had to slowly become accustomed to sudden loud noises, but it didn't mean he had to _like_ them.

"And fireworks!"

Almost on cue, several explosions were heard in the distance, and the scientist turned to them with a low growl of disdain.

"Like that, that's... that's like, 10 blocks away! That's in the suburbs! Who sets off that many fireworks in the _suburbs_?! Like, what is the _reason_ for that?" Doofenshmirtz covered his ears and squeezed his eyes tightly closed as fireworks continued to go off, not just from the suburbs, but from all around the city. "What are we, Disney World?"

Doof pressed his hands harder against his ears, starting to tremble from the effort to keep the sound out, and Perry looked on him with pity. He hadn't even gotten around to explaining the purpose of his inator, though Perry guessed it was likely to destroy fireworks, or loud noises, or New Year's as a whole... or something like that.

But Perry hadn't the slightest clue of its specific purpose, or of how it worked- Doof kept getting sidetracked by the loud explosions, so much so that, after a period of covering his ears, he'd had to begin his monologue over from the beginning several times. But Doof's bony hands did little to soften the booming around them. Though Perry wasn't the type to show it outwardly, he was sure he felt the same as Doofenshmirtz. Surrounded and closed in. Not by anything physical, anything that could be fought against, but by _noise_. An invisible enemy that nobody else around them seemed to struggle as much with- making the struggle all the more frustrating.

Perry, at least, had his colleagues to lean on. Most every household pet is bothered by loud booms, be it neurodiversity (like Perry), evolutionary instinct, or simply a personal preference. Were he at home right now, he'd have already skittered into one of the Flynn-Fletcher children's protective arms... provided they weren't the ones _making_ things go boom at the moment.

But, as Perry realized, Doofenshmirtz didn't have the same luxury. Doofenshmirtz didn't have anyone's arms to run into, nobody to gently feed him treats and calm him with gentle pets and reassurances. Of course, Perry could always _try_ to provide such comfort, but his hug would probably only go up to the scientist's knee. And then, of course, there was the issue of first seeing if Doofenshmirtz even _wanted_ physical comfort during this near-meltdown, a question that "krkrkrkrkr" alone couldn't quite convey.

But OWCA agents are nothing if not resourceful.

With a swift backward kick of his ankle barb, the streamers around Perry fell to the floor, and as soon as they did, Perry began to sprint out the door.

"Oh, you're just going to _leave_ , Perry the Platypus?"

Perry stopped mid-sprint to turn and acknowledge his nemesis.

"No, no, _I_ get it, Perry the Platypus. You don't think this is a _real_ problem. You know, like, why aren't my inators... creating world peace, or- or- well, I guess creating world peace isn't exactly _evil_ but... ghh, anyway, you know what I mean. You think this inator is _beneath_ you. Well, guess what, Perry the Platypus? I don't need you t-" Another booming firework went off, and Doof cowered. "I don't need you to thwart me _anyway_. Go, go- go enjoy your New Year's then, if _that's_ how you're gonna be. I'll just destroy my inator myself! So... there!"

Perry felt bad to let this miscommunication fester. But he would only be a minute.

Five more loud fireworks had gone off in the time it took Perry to take the elevator to ground level, run to the hardware store across the street, make his purchase, and take the elevator back up. In that time, Doofenshmirtz had resorted to curling up in a ball on the ground with his head between his knees, inator still neglected by the overwhelmed evil scientist. Cautiously, Perry tiptoed up and tapped his shoulder.

"What do you want _now_ , Perry th-"

Perry held out a pair of padded earmuffs.

Doofenshmirtz let out a small gasp before grabbing the earmuffs and quickly sliding them over his ears. "A pair of earmuffs! How... how thoughtful of you, Perry the Platypus! No, really!" Doof got to his feet and pressed the self-destruct button on his inator. "Wow, now that it's not so loud, I _do_ see why you like doing that so much. It's weirdly therapeutic. Oh, remind- remind me to write that down somewhere, would you? 'Self-destruct-inator'. Just one big self-destruct button. You know, I think it-"

Perry rolled his eyes and sighed to himself as Doofenshmirtz rambled on. He gently spun Doofenshmirtz around to show him the earmuffs' true purpose.

"What are you d-" Facing the city now, the fireworks shimmered in Doof's eyes. Red, blue, green, big, small, sparkly, the fireworks were now harmless to him. No, not just harmless, they were _beautiful_. Beautiful in a way they had never been before. Doof thought silently on this new development for a few minutes, before running to the balcony for a better view.

Perry, satisfied, followed Doofenshmirtz to the balcony, pulling himself up to get a view of the city. That house in the suburbs that had irked Doofenshmirtz so was Perry's own, and he could imagine the children there gleefully absorbing the same view. Ferb would also be wearing earmuffs (though much higher-tech ones, seeing as Ferb's were made by _the_ Phineas Flynn himself), and Perry silently gave his thanks to the boys for unintentionally inspiring the idea that perhaps Doofenshmirtz, too, could use his own pair.

Perry placed a hand on Doofenshmirtz's shoulder, and when Doofenshmirtz turned his head, he saw Perry wearing an identical pair of earmuffs. Perry communicated "we're not so different, you and I, and you certainly aren't as alone as you believe you are" the only way he could- with a wink. Doof smiled and put a hand over Perry's.

"Thank you, Perry the Platypus," Perry heard Doofenshmirtz say in muffled reply. "And happy new year."

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this very quickly, so apologies if it's a bit disjointed. I hope you guys can relate to it the way I can. Happy new year!


End file.
